Sexual Health
5. Emotions and Body
5.7. Masturbation
Picture: painting by Revold
Children generally develop sexually through play, curiosity and the need to explore. Langfeldt (5) writes that when boy ejaculate for the first time it often happens during the spring or summer. Boys often share stories of sexual experiences with each other. Girls are often more troubled during this time (menarche), perhaps because they have not yet met their femininity or because it is somehow threatening to be a woman at this stage. Further on, Langfeldt writes that boys masturbate regularly. They do this for lust and pleasure, and also before the production of semen is working properly. He thinks that boys are more open with each other about masturbation than girls and that girls often learn to masturbate from a boy later on.
Most PWID have pleasurable experiences with their own body. People who speak on behalf of PWID, may say they are happier without sexual encounters and that sexual acts may be ‘dangerous’ to those with an ID. No known research supports such an attitude. Most PWID show less frustration if they are allowed to develop their own sexuality. One should encourage them to touch their own body/ play with themselves.
PWID often rub against furniture or door-frames, press themselves to the floor while doing rotating movements with their abdomen. Such behaviour is usually sexually stimulating. They stimulate their abdomen (penis/ clitoris and the surrounding areas) and some rub gently/ hard on the clitoris or penis. Most will experience this as pleasant. Some can get an orgasm, which is a lovely feeling, felt in the entire body that makes you to want more of it. Not everyone with ID has the muscle strength to rub his/her clitoris or penis to get an orgasm. If this is the case, it can be useful to buy sexual aids (vibratory toy).
Video: Sexual aids (vibratory toy) (18)
Parents should explain to their children how they might touch themselves in order to get to know their own body. If parents interpret and accept this action as that of a sexual one, perhaps they need to guide the person to perform this action in a more appropriate environment. Most relatives do not wish their children to perform such acts in their living room, kitchen or while visiting others. Most can accept this happening in the child’s bedroom or other suitable space.
If you, as a parent, want your child to have their pleasure in the bedroom (not in the living room or kitchen), every time you see them lay down on the floor or rub against furniture, calmly communicate: “Go to your room”- or show a sign/picture of the room. Lead them calmly to the room. Let them sit or lie down on their bed, or lie down on the floor, and then calmly leave the room. Let him/her stay in the room for a bit on their own.
If it is difficult to lead them to the bedroom, you may try to purchase a vibrator (triangular, long, or other) or a vibrating ball that you leave in the bedroom, or in the drawer of the bedside table. Take it out; put it on the bed or on the floor. Lead the person to the vibrator. While holding the individual's elbow, lead his/ her arm to the vibrator. Let the individual take the vibrator and lead it towards their body or abdomen (while you hold their elbow). Try to avoid contact between yourself and the vibrator, and the body of the individual (except for your hand on his/ her elbow). If the person presses the vibrator to his/ her body or abdomen, leave the room quietly. Leave the person alone for 15-20 minutes. Go back into the bedroom and store away the vibrator. Never let the vibrating object/vibrator be used in the living room/ kitchen, only in the bedroom. To ‘play’ with the vibrator is an activity done only in the rooms you allow for this activity to happen. During vacations, the vibrating object/vibrator can be taken along to be used in an appropriate space.
Case: An example of a girl who learned to use a better way to stimulate herself:
When we accept that rubbing against the floor, furniture or other is sexually stimulating, we may conclude that, by doing this action, the person communicates that they wish to continue doing it. In general, adolescents with severe ID should be able to lie down for 15-20 minutes at night without an epilepsy-alarm or without a nappy. Many PWID cannot have ‘full control over the consequences of a consent’, but they can show us with their behaviour and actions what they want.
ACTIVITIES:
· Do you, as a parent, believe that everyone has a sexuality?
· Do you believe that everyone should be able to express their sexuality in their own way in an appropriate setting?
· Try to make a plan for: how could you teach your child/sibling/client masturbation?
Photo G.H.Lunde Picture: G.Dietrichson