Ageing

3. Friendship and socialisation

3.5. Friendship to enrich life and improve health

Good friends help us with life.

For us who have disabilities,

good friends are important. They can help us

to a life like everyone else and to do things we like (1:10).

Today people with ID are expected to be more independent and in control of their life conditions and daily life than previously. Having good social relationships can be more important for people with ID than before, as well as to be active, committed, staying safe and included.

While family members may have the best knowledge of the person, it does not mean that parents and adult children agree about the ‘best interest’ decisions. Often, the voice (empowerment) of a person with ID is lost in this dialogue. It is often easier to talk with friends about interests. Together with friends it is easier to go into new roles and styles. 

Wolfensberger best known for pointing out that devalued people are given a role-identity that confirms and justifies the value society gives the person (16, 17). This is still an issue in our society.

Wolfensberger also believed that the most disabled need an alliance with people with more competence or people with a strong position in society. He pointed out that the only security people with disabilities may have is 

“… whatever deep relationship commitments that have been made to them by others, and especially by people who do have competencies and/or resources, including those who are willing to share their last slice of bread with them.” (18:500). 

A feeling of security is the basis for a good friendship and good public services. Establishing a good friendship is beneficial for both service providers and service users. Such relationships make it easier to talk about difficult things. Good knowledge and good feelings create respect that means to “look once more”. Respect, trust and good knowledge about each other, increases an understanding of reactions that otherwise can be interpreted as challenging behaviour or a part of a person’s ID (6).

Together with friends, you celebrate good times and get support during bad times. They help you prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer companionship you need. Friends increase your sense of belonging and purpose; they boost your happiness and reduce your stress. Good friends improve your self-confidence and self-worth and help you cope with traumas, such as serious illness, retirement or the death of a loved one. Friends may encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, - or not! Friends actually play a significant role in promoting your overall health.

ACTIVITIES: 

• Make a list of friends your child/sibling/client have, that you know will invite them to social activities when you are not able to support them any longer. If possible, make this list together with your child/sibling/client.
• Talk about the content of the list and talk about changes that can be done, - how and when?
• Discuss with your child/sibling/client about health and how friendship supports good health.