Transition to adulthood
4. Letting go - What does detachment mean for parents?
4.3. Parents as legal guardians – Awareness of advantages and disadvantages
With their 18th birthday the child becomes an adult and can take their own decisions for themselves. This should be kept in mind, if e. g. a young adult can decide about his finances from one day to the another and be responsible for eventual consequences.
Adolescents as well as parents have to distinguish between parental authority and legal guardianship.
Extract from a law concerning legal guardianship in Germany (§ 1901 BGB):
(1) The guardianship includes all activities necessary to take care of all businesses of the supervised person in accordance with the following regulations.
(2) The guardian has to ensure welfare of the supervised person. Welfare of the supervised person includes the possibility to arrange his life according to his own wishes and conceptions in the frame of his abilities.
(3) The guardian has to respond to the requests of the supervised person, if this does not run contrary to his interests and if it is reasonable for the guardian. This concerns also requests which have been expressed before the guardian has been appointed – unless the supervised person does obviously not want to stick to these requests. Before handling important issues, the guardian talks these over with the supervised person, as long as they do not run contrary to his interests.
An adult with disabilities has the same rights as all other people but moreover, he benefits from more protection if the need for support has been stated by a legal authority.
Depending on disability and ability it may be wise to apply for a legal guardianship for some sectors only. These fields can be – depending on the needs of the supervised person - applied for a certain time only. Before the request for appointment is fulfilled, the wishes of the supervised person are considered.
In most of the cases, parents want to take over the legal guardianship for their child. If the child does not disagree with this proposal, the legal authority will appoint them as legal guardians as long as this corresponds to the interests of the child.
The parents should be aware before applying that guardianship can lead to interest and role conflicts: As legal guardians they have to decide for the benefit of the supervised. For this “benefit”, the legislative body provides a framework: the requests and conceptions of the supervised about the arrangements of its own life. This may differ from the conceptions of a mother or father, but anyhow it needs to be in a reasonable frame for externals. Is the person really endangered by certain actions? Parents may try to convince their children of their own conceptions of their life, other legal guardians may not.
There will always be cases in which legal guardians have to decide against the will of the supervised for good reasons. E. g. if a PWID is unable to handle money issues. Purchases via internet or contracts can be withdrawn by a clause of agreement. A contract for a mobile phone can be invalid and the mobile phone returned as a consequence. As parents you will feel the anger of your child and this may be transferred to other fields. If an external legal guardian takes over this task, the negative feelings will be addressed to this guardian instead of parents. Parents can rather offer comfort and reflection about the situation.
Care provisions that parents feel necessary exceeds extensively legal and decision-making authority of a legal guardian.
If an external legal guardian is appointed by the legislative authority, they have to act in cooperation with the supervised concerning expenses and other decisions. Should the supervised not agree with the decisions, parents are available as emotional supporters.
What may help you:
Reflect properly on effects of taking over legal guardianship may have on your children.
- Attend trainings for legal guardians, if you take over this duty.
- Find a legal guardian you and your child trust.
- Be there for your child, even if you deliver the legal responsibility.